things my 16-year-old self would be amazed that i’ve said

“Do you want fries with that?”

“I mean, I don’t really need a new computer; the one I have works fine.”

“I have no desire to get an advanced degree.”

“Hey, Tony Hawk just got here.”

Le canard, s’il vous plaît.

Anything from my last post.

“I don’t really watch TV that much.”

“There’s Paramount Pictures, where should we park?”

“I’m going to bed; I have a meeting at the CDC tomorrow.”

“Housekeeping.”

“I definitely don’t want to be in charge of other people.”

“The last Michael Crichton book really wasn’t that good.”

“QUIET ON THE SET!”

“I think I’ve gained weight.”

“I don’t really want to be a director.”

“I’ll have the black bean burger, please.”

Of course, this last one would be more believable with the addition of the next line: “With bacon.”