on being a single father

About a year ago, I rented Martian Child from Netflix.  In it, a middle-aged single writer reaches a certain age and, not having found someone to start a family with, adopts a kid on his own.  My interest in the movie stemmed from the thought of someday doing the same sort of thing.  I was curious to see how the movie handled the issues involved in such a situation.

I never found out, however.  The movie remains as an unwatched ripped video file on my hard drive (the disc long having been sent back) for one simple reason: John Cusack.

I just want to punch him in the face.

My aversion to watch Mr. Cusack play the lead has caused me to skip over that video file every time I go scanning my movie list desperate for something to do on a Saturday night afternoon.  I have decided that this man has been coasting on “Say Anything” nostalgia for the majority of his professional life.  He is just so completely unlikable in everything that I’ve ever seen him in.

Okay, I’ll admit that my dislike for Mr. Cusack is probably irrational, especially in light that I find his sister, Joan Cusack, quite charming.

How can you not love Crazy Joan?

Maybe I’m still angry about “2012”, or “1408”, or “Serendipity”, or “Grosse Pointe Blank”, or that one episode of “Frasier” where he did a voice over or something.  I don’t know, but all I know is that now when I turn 35, I won’t have a pre-mid-life crisis and adopt a Chinese girl-baby addicted to crack cocaine.  Thanks a lot, John Cusack.

sample user names to convince my friend to use twitter

My friend, Brooke, is a … biostatistician?  epidemiologist?  I don’t know, something with AIDS.  In an effort to convince her to use Twitter, I came up with a few sample usernames she could adopt.

twitter.com/ifitaintbrookedontfixit

twitter.com/dontjudgeabrookebyitscover

twitter.com/brookierthanthou

twitter.com/effyeahbrooke

twitter.com/broooooooooke (that’s nine o’s)

twitter.com/justnytposts

twitter.com/withafewfrommcsweenys

twitter.com/ilovezombies

twitter.com/biostatsreferece

twitter.com/somesciencecrap

twitter.com/imrunningoutofideas

and finally:

twitter.com/ifinallyseethevalueintwitterallthankstoclint

scary movies

Once when I was a kid, I had a nightmare about being chased by Jason from the Friday the 13th movies. The dream was completely inacurate, because I had never seen Friday the 13th, or even knew what Jason looked like. My entire experience with the film had been the VHS movie case at my aunt’s convenience store and a group of kids at school talking about how scary the movie was. Listening to that conversation alone was enough to cause my nightmares where I was chased by an unknown serial killer from an unknown movie.

It’s extremely rare for me to have nightmares these days. On the one hand, it’s fantastic as nightmares are usually unpleasant experiences. However, the lack of nightmares is a bit disturbing because I grew to realize that there is very little in the world to be afraid of. Don’t get me wrong, the world is filled with many awful and terrible things. Diseases, war, and the horrible things humans do to each other should be plenty to be afraid of and they did. But these things are known, for the most part. What always scared me more, however, was the things that weren’t known: the noises with no obvious origin, subtle movement in the dark, the feeling of presence when no presence should be felt.

But when you grow up, you know that pipes make noise, there isn’t anything moving in the dark, and there is no one in the room with you. You know that our brain is so finely tuned to expect certain inputs that sometimes it gets a little ahead of itself and inserts those inputs on its own. Because of this, however, if you ignore the human figures you see out of the corner of your eye, your brain recalibrates itself and you stop seeing them. Because they were never there to begin with.

The sad part is that I secretly always wanted those figures in the corner of my eye to be real. I wanted there to be a whole level of mysterious unknown just beneath the surface that we could perceive, because it would make the world so much larger than it really is. And much more terrifying.

There’s also the rawness of the fear emotion that can be so affecting. So many of the emotions we feel are so controlled, calculated. Even when let our emotions loose a bit, we are still usually quite restrained. But with fear, especially in the context of a movie, we can let free to roam about, catching hold of whatever it can find. Mundane actions and situations through the lens of fear turns into something completely different. Being under the covers at night is something that most of us do every night. It is commonplace. But add an alien abduction to that situation and you’ve taken something that is quite safe and known and injected it with something that is quite erie at least and terrifying at most. One’s neighborhood is very familiar, but in the dawn of a zombie apocalypse, it turns into a place where even going outside requires a surge of adrenaline.

Perhaps love of scary movies, books, and shows are merely a product of our collective domestication. As socialized as we are (and I’m all for socialization), we still have very deep and powerful emotions that are often either ignored or, at the very least, frowned upon. Perhaps the horror genre is a way to channel those residual instincts into something harmless. Or perhaps it’s a way for us to tap into those instintual emotions, to remind ourselves that they are still there.

remember that time i went to san francisco?

The St. Regis Hotel in downtown San Francisco was probably the poshest hotel I’ve ever been in. The phone had a touchscreen LCD, which was kind of lame, until I discovered I could touch a button to have housekeeping sent up, turn on the “Do Not Disturb” light, raise and lower the blinds, and a myriad of other such amenities. There probably was a button that would have had the butler dress in a blue Lycra fish costume and danced around for my amusement (like you haven’t thought about it), but I got bored with exploring the phone and enjoyed the large top-down shower head in the bathroom. Which was fantastic. Fan. Tas. Tic. …Tac…Toe.

I was overly amazed at how all the houses were attached, which is not something you see in the south very oft-ever. A. pointed out that many of the houses in the Northeast are also attached. He points out lots of things. I countered with a flimsy argument and went back to being amazed by domestic proximity.

The surfers at Ocean Beach surf even when it is freezing cold. Which it was. So they were surfing. I enjoy doing things. I enjoy running. Even biking (back in the day). Hiking. Camping, even. But I have a lower temperature threshold that, once breached, will prevent me from running into the Pacific Ocean in a rubber suit and a large fiberglass board. Not so with surfers.

A. is in better shape than me. So when we rode across the Golden Gate Bridge to Sausalito, he didn’t have to stop and take deep, gasping breaths and feel his heart pounding in his chest and realize he’s getting old and really, really needs to start running again as soon as it gets warm enough or maybe deciding that he finally needs to join a gym or something. No, he didn’t have to do that.

Old Vietnamese women are racist. Assuming that just because you are the only white person at the table, you need a fork with your noodles while everyone else (who ordered pho) gets chopsticks is racist. It is.

When the older gentleman on Muni does not realize that he has dropped his very large kitchen knife, the proper response is to quietly return it to him instead of spending 10 minutes wondering if he is a murderer and is taking public transportation to his next victim because even the homicidal maniacs in San Francisco are trying to reduce their carbon footprint.

I usually hate old movies, but “The Trouble With Harry” seen in 35mm at the Castro Theatre at 2:30pm when you have missed the bus (twice) to go watch a podcast up in Petaluma is absolutely wonderful. All old movies should be seen that way.

Sitting at the window on the 17th (or something like that) floor staring at San Francisco at night is one of the best ways to end a day. Try it.

no, you weren’t born during the wrong time period

There’s a strange segment of the population so disaffected with their lives and the state of the world that they imagine themselves fitting in better at another point in history.  They seem to forget that the world for much of human history has pretty much sucked. Read More »