Two more days. This time last semster I was dreading the start of school. This semester, however, I am actually excited. I am in the right field.
New Year’s Eve all my brothers and sisters with the exception of one went down to Magnolia. That left Bev, Mom, Dad, and I to sleep on mattresses and couches in the living room. After about half an hour later Bev couldn’t handle anymore of Dad’s snoring and went upstairs and the halfway. 
I was not far behind her. I laid down on the floor, but another half an hour later I was on the front porch. My nephew was acting up in one of the bedrooms and his parents were trying to put him to bed. But that isn’t what sent me to the front porch. My mind was racing. It seemed as though being around my entire family had stressed me out quite a bit. After a bit of rocking and listening to the fireworks I went back up to my space in the hall. I was okay the next day, better actually.
Even though I had had a mini panic attack, it was much smaller than in times past (and much smaller than the picture, I just thought it interesting, because they used to be that bad). My thoughts didn’t go to the extreme. Even while having it I had this in mind. Strange, but comforting. I feel as though I am getting better. Granted, the truely hard part is yet to come, but we’ll jump off that bridge when we get there. By we I mean me. By jumping I mean…you get the metaphor.
I wrote an outline for a movie that basically deals with what I’ve been going through. It isn’t about me and I’ve taken some creative license, but it is still in line with some of the articles I’ve read. There is one part in the outline (well, possibly two) that is a bit graphic – much more graphic than I would like to make it, but to be quite honest I want people to truely realize what it is like to be someone like me. I think people in general blame us for the situation we are in. They don’t realize that we don’t choose to be like this, who would? They also don’t realize the intensity by which we feel what we feel. This is also what makes change such a daunting (and to some, an impossible) task. I still haven’t decided if I want to actually make the thing, it would ruffle a lot of feathers. Seriously, feathers everywhere.
That new Burger King commercial with the crazy lady from The Apprentice if great.
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Glad the panic attack was smaller this time. All those people in one place can be stressful (for anyone) It may be one of the reason all of us weren’t there. People assign blame when they don’t understand.