average life

“You’re kinda pathetic.”

“No, really pathetic.  Sending a drunk dial email to your ex last night was probably one of the stupidest things you’ve done.”

“Really stupid, and you don’t even drink.  He’s probably glad he dodged your crazy ***.”

“I wish I could dodge myself.  So it’s confirmed, I’m going to die old, crazy, and alone.”

“Probably.”

“I mean, what am I going to do with my life?  Just work until my eyes melt out of my head from staring at a computer screen all day?”

“Your life is pretty pointless.”

“I want to just lie down and die.”

“You’d probably get hungry after about half an hour or so and just get up.”

“I’m kind of hungry, now.”

“You know, humans are surprisingly hard to kill.”

“Yeah, I remember thinking that after watching that video of the guy shooting himself in the head in my Psych and Law class.  Dude totally lived.”

“Gross.”

“For reals.  Maybe I could just actually be full-on depressed this time.  You know, just be completely non-functional.  Stop going to work, crap, even stop getting out of bed.”

“You’d probably eventually lose your job.”

“Yeah.  That would put a kink into saving for a loft in Midtown.”

“Then I’d have to live out here in the suburbs forever.”

“Screw that.”

“Yeah, but seriously about the being hungry.”

“Hey, there’s a Taco Bell…”

“Don’t do it.”

“Why not?  I don’t really have anything to eat at home.”

“I remember how I felt the last time I ate Taco Bell…”

“I don’t care.  I feel like crap and I have no food at home.  I’m an adult and if I want to eat friggen’ Taco Bell, I’m getting friggen’ Taco Bell.”

“The Ranch Chicken Salad is pretty good….”

“Not really, but I order it anyway.”

“You know, all this would be kind of funny as a blog post.”

“Ha, it would.  How much a chance that I’ll exaggerate the flow of the conversation for dramatic effect?”

“I’d say about 50-50.”